Godzilla's Second Act
by Roy Isen, from Slackjaw Magazine
Despite 70 years of on-screen success and the mantle of beloved film icon, Godzilla is restless and unhappy. He sips a few hundred gallons of Armand de Brignac Rosé from his monogrammed water tower and reflects.
“As a young, radioactive lizard I would peek in the window of the military barracks on my island and watch the movies that entertained the troops...”
The nuclear fire-breathing monster says he loved the old musicals, especially “The Harvey Girls” and “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.”
“I tried to be like Judy Garland or Ray Bolger,” he says, turning away, “but my first — and only — audition was a disaster… the death toll still haunts me.”
We’re strolling through Godzilla’s Japanese garden on Ile du Paix, formerly known as Skull Island. It was the home of his best friend, the late, but still fabulous, King Kong, whose son sold it to Godzilla after the big ape died from irritable bowel syndrome.
The forbidding, prehistoric island has been redesigned by Frank Gehry with an eco-friendly ambiance. The cave of giant man-eating snakes has been transformed into a residence ready for entertaining or meditation and the steaming, primordial swamp is now the world’s largest infinity pool, where Godzilla pauses to dip an imported Sequoia into a silo of mousse truffe. As he savors a bite, he admits that he was embarrassed by the global accolades that came with crushing cities and defeating armies.
“I yearned to sing and dance but test audiences only wanted my annoying screech,” he laments. “Nureyev himself told me he admired how I used movement to emote. He was planning a ballet based on my life when, sadly, the master passed away.”
In the recent biopic, Godzilla — portrayed by Meryl Streep — is depicted as giving his all under the lights but when the cameras stop rolling he sinks into a boozy depression.
“That was me,” he sighs. “I loathed not just the violence but having to share the mise en scene with Rodan, Mothra, and other low-brow wannabes.”
The King of the Monsters reflects, “Even though I was the highest-paid monster in the world I was frustrated and depressed… Then I met my guardian angel, Carol Channing, who taught me how to sing.”
His jaws spread open, and a guttural roar erupts. Oddly, it sounds a bit like “Some Enchanted Evening.” My ears start to bleed.
“Sorry, I’m a little hoarse today,” says Godzilla, “I also learned tap from Gregory Hines. I’ll show you my shuffle.”
I try to scream a polite refusal, but it’s too late. Palm trees crash around me, a sandstorm rages. Suddenly, Godzilla stops to remember the good times on the island with the aging King Kong.
“We frolicked and belted out show tunes while bingeing on cases of 1952 Macallan and grilled T-Rex thighs,” he says.
Godzilla sucks the caviar out of a Beluga whale. A cascade of tears roars down his face.
“I miss my little monkey so much. When he died I was in Lake Como with George and Amal. If only I had been there with him.”
Godzilla nurses another wound: the breakup from his wife, The Crawling Eye.
“Our marriage shocked the world,” he reminisces. “No one knew it was female.”
They divorced as her career came to a crashing halt. As The Crawling Eye explained on “Extra,” “audiences were tired of giant, multi-tentacled eyeballs.”
She now runs a popular pottery studio in Bennington, Vermont.
However, they did spawn a son, Miles. He partied hard in LA but was arrested for DUI and assaulting a policeman. After rehab, he returned to Ile du Paix where he finds solace in breeding therapy donkeys.
The clouds break over the infinity pool. The curtain is rising on Godzilla’s second act. He smiles and says, “I believe there’s a big Oscar waiting for me.”
He’s hyping his forthcoming epic, a romantic comedy set amidst the Moscow Ballet, titled “The Destruction of Swan Lake.” With backing from the Bhutanese film industry, not only will Godzilla direct and head the cast, but he is also composing the score and the choreography.
“The magic of musical cinema was my first love, and it never leaves you, no matter how many countries you incinerate.”